If you hail from a small town, you’re well aware that keeping a secret can be quite the challenge, if not entirely futile. With a limited population, it seems like everyone is privy to everyone else’s affairs, and this can sometimes have less-than-desirable consequences.
A group of men had an amusing encounter with this small-town truth when they found themselves in a courtroom. The trial featured an elderly lady on the witness stand, who seemed to possess an uncanny knowledge of everyone’s personal business.
This particular anecdote is one of those jokes that only grows funnier the closer you get to its conclusion. Much like many humoristic tales, it’s not solely about the punchline; it’s the journey that truly tickles the funny bone.
In a court trial in a small town in Nebraska, the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.
He walked up to her and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?”
She answered, “Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley. I’ve known you since you were a little boy, and honestly, you’re a disappointment. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk behind their backs. You think you’re some kind of big shot, but if you had half a brain you’d realize that you’ll never amount to anything but a mediocre pencil-pusher. Oh, I know who you are all right.”
The prosecutor had his jaw on the floor. Shocked and looking to deflect the attention, he pointed across the room and asked: “Mrs. Williams, do you know who the defense attorney is?”
She replied, “Of course I do. I’ve known Mr. Carbuncle ever since he was a child. He’s a lazy bigot who has a problem with alcohol abuse. He is unable to maintain a normal relationship with anyone and is one of the worst lawyers in the county. On top of that, he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know exactly who he is.”
The defense attorney looked like he was about to have a stroke.
The judge ordered the prosecutor and the defense attorney to approach, and whispered to them in a low but frantic voice,
“If any of you brats ask her if she knows who I am, then I’ll put both of you behind bars for life!”